My Novel!!!

Oh shush, here it is.

Chapter 3: Boss.

The trio hacked and swore their way through the now tropical jungle.
“Hey I wonder how much time we have before…” Ethan began and suddenly interrupted by a flash and a sting which saw them hurtling through the ins and outs of the program until the game decided to plonk in the middle of a volcano. Ethan exclaimed his displeasure by screaming this as he fell onto the ground near one of the sides of the aforementioned volcano. “Aw shit”

Ethan sighed as he got off the rocky ground. Where am I? He thought. He looked around and saw that he was standing next to the eastern wall of a truly massive volcanic crater. In the middle was a bubbling pool of molten rock. I wonder what that is for? Ethan wondered. Wait a second…where’s Julie?

Julie stood up. Oh come on… She thought. Not the crater, this is not fun. Oh my god! What about Ethan?! He’ll be so confused! She began to run toward the eastern side of the crater when the woman’s face from before crackled in to view over the quietly sloshing pool of magma. “Why hello contestants!” She said in an obviously fake cheery mood “You may be wondering why you have been separated by your partner.
“The sole reason for this is: I like tormenting people. You have forty minutes to find your partner or I will eject you both from the game”
“Whaa-a?” Ethan replied intelligently.
“Ha ha! That is the look I love little man! Now get cracking, your time starts… Now!” Ethan scrambled around for a few seconds, wondering frantically what to do when a truly massive maze sprang out of the ground. Ethan barely missed having sore testicles by jumping at the last minute, only to smash his head on a wall that was growing next to him. “I hate this place” Ethan said. The hovering projection of Vanessa took on the emotion of laughing.

“Whoa-oh!” Julie exclaimed. The walls around her rose with what appeared to be malice. Oh…fudge! She thought, Who am I kidding? “Fuck!” Julie swore. Vanessa laughed even harder.

Percy hummed a little tune as he ran atop the walls of the rising maze. “It’s always with the maze Vanessa, isn’t it?” He said to himself. He leaped over a 3 metre gap like he was jumping over a puddle. He pulled out one of his massive blades, sliced an ugly stumpy thing in half, and annihilated its dead body with a super-heated blast of plasma. “Hm. It’s been a while since I’ve done that”. He leaped over another massive gap and landed nimbly on his toes like a cat. An Orophin leaped at him with its blue tinted claws un-sheathed. Percy deftly cut it in to ribbons. He reached the centre and looked around. Ethan was running around like a headless chicken trying to figure out which path he should take and Julie was grappling with what looked like a dwarf. “Julie then” Percy said.
Just as Percy was about to run towards Julie, Vanessa said “Tut tut Percy! Remember your obligation! I get to play with them just once and you can rescue them any other time.” Percy swore under his breath and stood stock still.
“Percy you dim-witted Clashka!” Julie yelled.
“Language!” he called back sternly.

Ethan wandered through the maze without a clue to where he was going. But by sheer dumb luck or some higher authority, he made it to the centre just in time to hear Julie yell ‘Clashka’. I’ll have to ask her about that sometime Ethan thought. “Now what you evil hag!?” He yelled to Vanessa who was watching Julie’s struggle with intensity.
“Dive in the pit of course” She said while tapping the side of her head with her finger.
“You’ve got to be shitting me”
“Nope. That’s why it’s so funny!” She replied, trying to contain the sporadic laughter gripping her body.
“Wanker!” He swore “ Fine! I’ll do it!”
“Go ahead” She said, gesturing towards the pit filled with bubbling molten rock. Ethan rocked on his right foot anxious about jumping to his death. It has to be a trick, it has to be a trick, it has to be a trick He repeated in his mind like a mantra. He steeled himself and ran toward the pit…And stopped at the rim.
“Ha! Knew you wouldn’t do it!” She said in a sing song voice “Tell you what, tell me something I don’t know and I wont make you jump in the scary lava”
“Okay, ummmmmm… The capital city of South Korea is…?”
“Seoul”
“Ummmm… Penicillin is derived from…?”
“The Penicillium notatum species of mould. Come on Ethan these are waaay to easy! You have one question left.”
“Okay okay. Uh. Um. Oh! 1337 means what other than being a number?” Ethan replied with a smug smile.
“Ummmmm… What?! You little twerp! I’m going to destroy you!” She fumed.
“Uh uh. We had a deal.” Vanessa growled like a big cat. “We. Had. A. Deal.” Ethan said with as much anger in his voice.
“Fine. But hear this you little bastard. You will pay for this. No one has ever bested me. And I am going to keep it that way.” She turned away from Ethan and started watching Julie’s battle.
“Oh. Shit.”

“HEEEEEYAAAAAARGHH!” The dwarf screamed. Julie jumped out of the way just as he leaped toward her. She was breathing heavily. When is this thing going to give up? she thought. The dwarf looked as if it was on the point of collapsing but it fought on with resolve that seemed impossible. “Percy! What does it take to kill this damn thing!?” She yelled to the silent figure watching with growing irritation.
“I’m sorry my hands are tied.” he replied. The stumpy thing made another leap at her. Julie saw an opening and took advantage of it. She used the dwarf’s own weight to flip him over on to his back; she then proceeded to beat his head in with the heel of her boot. By the time that the dwarf faded in to the nothing that it came from, Julie was panting like a horse with pneumonia, who had just won the Melbourne Cup. Ethan looked as if he was going to explode of anxiety, still clutching at the loaf of slightly damp bread. While Percy was the poster child of cool, calm and collected incorporated.
“Jesus Christ” She said as she fell to the ground with a tired sigh.

*clap* *clap* *couch*

*couch*??!?!??!?!?!?!?!???!??!?!!!!

The chunkiest text of them all...

Some people tell me that infact Tim's book suck's more penis than Tim himself.

i see you dark side chris
maybe i should make a book about it
or maybe be a journalist
or th guy who made a hugh scienctific facility called TSJ

I CBF READING THIS SHIT! CAN YOU PUT IT IN LIKE A BOOK?

has to get a publisher and i don't really know where hes going to find one

No I mean like write it on paper.

so plain A4 paper and sent to you where you mass produce his book and get money from it?

No... just make one copy and like make it look so epic!

so with an epic hardcover and within images the text with the classic blurb at the back and did he didn't even give his story a title just chapters like in half life 1 and 2

MY EYES, MY EYES. IT BURNSSS!!!

YOUR FACE! IT BURNS MY EYES!

tim your story is bad
you should feel bad